So gentle.
Whatever works.
Jesus.
No. No!
Leave him alone!
Get up!
You're just screwing everybody, aren't you, you son of a...
- No! - ...bitch!
That should do it.
Oh, my God.
It's all right. It's all right.
The worst part's over now.
Yeah.
We'll go away.
Visit my family.
You'd like my family.
I just love this house.
It's such a classic Victorian.
It was built around 1886.
Probably remodeled slightly in the 40s.
I know what you're thinking.
It needs a lot of TLC
and is a little pricier than what we were talking about originally,
but remember you've got two rental units downstairs
to help you cover the mortgage.
And I really think, relatively speaking
we can get this place for a song. Up here...
What do you think?
Seven hundred and fifty grand, huh?
It's not a song, it's an opera.
Between my savings and Drake's, we can cover the down payment.
And the realtor said we can get one of those
home equity loans for improvements.
You'd be totally tapped out.
But we'll have rental units.
Well, what if you can't rent them?
Oh, come on. The vacancy rate in this area is less than 2%.
Look, do you want my advice or my approval?
- Your advice. - Your approval.
Pass.
It's too risky a call.
I mean, if someone misses one month's rent
you're gonna go down like the Titanic.
I don't even... I don't even think you can get approved for the loan
at your income level.
We'll fudge the numbers a little.
Yeah. Everybody does it.
It's expected.
"Legal description of building."
It's a building.
Uh, I don't think that's what they mean.
- It's... It's like a... - It's a... It's a wooden building
with windows.
All right. We'll come back to that one.
Um, my previous employment.
Equestrian.
It's too pompous.
- Self-employed. - Okay.
"Manner in which title will be held."
Like this.
Please, please.
"Held with both hands with a pity expression."
I can't believe we're actually gonna do this.
Marital status.
Single.
Come on!
Come on! Get it down, buddy! Come on!
Come on! Knock it down!
Mine! Now it's all mine!
We rent the studio for a thousand
and the one-bedroom for $1,200.
$1,300. You should go up and down.
All right. $1,300.
- That leaves us, uh... - $1,400.
...$1,400 to cover the mortgage which is
$300 a month less than we used to be paying
for our two old apartments.
- So we're actually saving money. - Yeah.
Assuming that we don't go broke before we rent them.
Then you've got to replace the plumbing and rewire the electric.
We have to remember this is an investment, Patty.
We can't afford to do everything at once.
It's not just an investment, it's our home.
Well. You want something to drink?
Sure.
Hey, there's a cat outside.
Hey, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Could be good luck.
- Aw, could be hungry. - Yeah.
Thanks.
Mmm.
I'm pooped.
Is that your manly walk?
It's the only walk I've got.
You feel comfortable.
- Yeah? - Mmm-hmm.
- Like your old saddle? - Better.
I just wish I had some spurs.
You taste like turpentine.
That's better.
- Hi, there. - Good afternoon.
Welcome to the neighborhood, huh?
- Well, thank you. - I like your place.
Hi.
Hi. How're you doing today?
Fine, thank you.
- How do you like the color? - Pretty good.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Thayer.
Drake Goodman. I'm sorry I'm late.
Ran into double overtime and I forgot about our appointment.
This is the apartment.
We're asking $1,300 a month
plus the $2,000 security deposit.
You pay the gas and electric
and we pay the... The water and garbage.
Here. Take this.
- In the back here we have the kitchen. - Oh, it's great.
Brand new gas stove, disposal, microwave...
Stop that!
There's a full bath.
All the original tiles' been redone.
It's the original bathtub.
We'd want to repaint.
Yeah, we'd, uh, pay for all the materials...
It's so chalky now.
What color did you have in mind?
Black.
Here's the gas stove
and dishwasher, the microwave, the disposal.
I'm sure Drake showed you all this.
And you credit and references all checked out...
- Oh, we'll paint over that. - Huh?
We'll paint over it.
- You don't have children, do you? - No.
This is a very nice place.
We just wanted to look at it again
- to be sure. - Thank you. Yes.
Just got separated from my wife.
I'm hell in the kitchen.
I've been thinking about taking a cooking class or something.
Excuse me.
- We will take the apartment. - Oh, great. Okay.
We would like to start moving in by tomorrow.
Pardon me. A thousand a month?
Yeah. Oh, and a $1,500 security deposit.
I can handle that.
I'll have the key for you in the morning then.
- Thank you. - Thank you, Mr. Watanabe.
So long, Mrs. Watanabe.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
Uh, any chance I can pay you half now half at the end of the month?
I'm in this 90-day CD.
We'll have to check your credit.
No sweat. My credit's solid.
Actually, I've been looking to buy a place
but I haven't found anything I like for the price, you know.
Mmm-hmm. Here you go.
I said my credit's solid.
Well, you still have to fill out an application
and Drake'll wanna check it out.
Understand something.
I want this apartment. My credit is good. I don't want to lose...
Obviously, you're at the top of the list, Mr. Baker.
You're the first person who's seen the place.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Uh, Ms. Palmer? - Yeah?
I'm sorry.
I just get the runaround so much, you know.
That's okay. No sweat.
I'll get this back to you as soon as I can.
Okay.
Patty?
In here. I'm sick.
What's the matter?
I'll be all right. Answer the door.
It might be Mr. What's-his-name
for the key to downstairs.
- Morning. - Good morning.
- Good morning.
Mrs. Watanabe, these are the keys to the back apartment.
- I'm so sorry so early. - It's okay.
I'll just, uh, I'll just go get dressed.
All these people aren't moving in with you, are they?
Mr. Palmer, right?
Goodman. Drake Goodman.
Sorry.
Very good.
- Hi. - Hi, I'm Carter Hayes.
I stopped by a couple weeks ago
and spoke with, uh, your wife
about renting the studio apartment.
- My... My girlfriend. - Oh, your girlfriend?
Oh, sorry. We don't wanna rush anything, do we?
- I assume it's still available? - Yes, it is.
- Um... - Is Patty here?
I don't wanna keep you here if you've got...
No, it's no problem. You know, I'm... I'm taking care of the rentals.
Did she show you the apartment?
No. No, I'd like to take a look at it if you don't mind.
Oh, good. Yeah, we can go this way.
Listen, is it all right if I leave my car here?
- Yeah. - Thanks.
Boy, you've done a beautiful job here.
Thank you.
It's, uh, it's taken about every cent we've got.
Yeah. I'll bet.
I love these old Victorians.
My grandmother, uh, my father's mother, I guess it was,
grew up in a mansion in Pacific Heights.
Oh, yeah? Whereabouts?
Uh, Broadway and, uh... I don't know.
I don't know. They tore it down.
I'd never actually been there but I've seen the photographs,
you know, I heard all the stories.
Boy, can you imagine what that piece of real estate be worth today, huh?
Well, you know, we all gotta start somewhere.
Yeah.
- Is this your first place? - Yes, it is.
You and you're, uh, girlfriend went in on it together?
Yeah. You know, partners.
Yeah. It's hard, isn't it?
Well, it's the first time we've lived together.
It's working though.
Not to mention the rent we're saving.
When can I move in, Drake?
Oh, well, you know, I just have to fill out an application...
You know, I'd like to... If you don't mind,
pay you the first six months in advance.
Right. I still need you to get this...
I may even have it all on me.
Uh, the reason for the six months is
I travel a lot in my business
and I'm in and out of the country.
So I can't always guarantee that I'll be here first of the month.
Damn. I've only got about $2,900 on me.
How about if I pay you $2,000 now
and then of course, I could pay you the rest next week.
Or I could wire you the entire amount, which would be
- 70... - $7,500.
$7,500 from my bank at San Antonio.
Um, you know, I'm sorry.
But I still have to get this application filled out.
It's just a formality.
Yeah. It's a credit history, that sort of thing.
Yeah. Um, is... Is there a problem?
Well, no. It's just that I work for a private trust
and the trust pays me my expenses and my salary.
They pay me bank cards, my room and board, etc.
So I don't really have that traditional kind of credit.
- You understand? - Um, could I verify the trust?
Well, see, I'm bound by client confidentiality.
I mean, they're a prominent family, and they've got interests worldwide.
Boy, believe me, I would if I could. Let me think.
I'm always running into this problem, you know?
- Do you have a phone? - Yeah, upstairs.
You know, better yet, I'll tell you what.
Why don't I give you some local personal references?
Or you can all the trust private attorney, uh, Bennett Fidlow.
Yeah, okay. Uh, previous landlord.
I got it.
Yeah. I hope you don't mind calling out of town.
I don't think you'll have a problem.
No, no. Mr. Hayes listed Mr. Fidlow
as a personal reference on a rental application.
I'm sorry. What was that name again?
- Carter Hayes. - Hayes.
Mr. Fidlow only handles...
Ma'am, ma'am. Yes, Mr. Hayes told me that it was a private family trust.
This is just a personal reference.
Yes. Well, he'll have to give you that information himself.
I see. Well, when Mr. Fidlow gets the time
could you please have him call me?
I will. Goodbye.
No, no. He... He was a model tenant.
Always paid his rent on time,
left the unit spotlessly clean.
In fact, I... I think I gave him his whole security deposit back.
That was the first time I've ever done that.
So you can definitely recommend Mr. Hayes?
I can recommend him to you with no hesitation at all.
Thank you. I'd like to thank you for your time.
Listen, uh,
just out of curiosity, uh,
where has Carter moved to, Mr., uh, Mr...
- Goodman. - Mr. Goodman.
Just... Just out of curiosity.
Uh, do... Do you have that address?
- What about Mr. Baker? - What about him?
He was here first.
Well, where's his application?
Maybe he's one of those minority scam artists.
What are you talking about?
You know, they... They try to get you worried about discrimination
so you don't check their credit.
That's not what happened.
Some of these people can be pretty shrewd, Patty.
How would you know?
It's not a racial thing. It's just common sense.
Look, I spoke to the woman at the bank
and she told me that Carter Hayes' income is over $200,000 a year.
I've checked him out.
Okay, fine. Then let's rent to him if you say he's okay.
He's a nice guy. You met him.
When?
Couple of weeks ago. He said he came by and talked to you.
I don't think so.
He knew your name. Why would he say he talked to you if he hadn't?
I don't know.
Look, Patty, I'm just taking up the slack here.
I mean, you're worried about the paint and the wallpaper.
Somebody's gotta rent these two apartments
so we can make next month's mortgage.
You're losing your sense of humor.
- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
You're becoming a crotchety old man with his building.
Next thing I know, you're gonna have hair growing out of weird parts
of your face and you'll be wandering around with a toilet plunger
and griping about property taxes and people who take long showers.
- No, I won't. - Yes, you will.
No, I won't.
You don't think I can handle this?
Yes, I do.
Somebody in here?
Oh, hi.
I thought you were from the, uh, phone company.
Who are you?
I'm, uh... I'm your new tenant.
I'm Carter Hayes. You must be Patty, right?
Yeah.
I think I spoke with you a couple of weeks ago...
No. You didn't.
How did you get in here?
Well, the door was open a little, and I, uh,
I just opened it and came on in.
I didn't wanna ring the buzzer and bother you so early.
So I just let myself in.
Hope that's okay.
Drake said it would be all right if I came by for the phone installation.
Oh.
Was that you hammering?
No.
You did a great job restoring this place.
Thanks.
Did you those pick those, uh, light fixtures out?
Yeah.
You have nice taste.
Thanks.
Nice meeting you.
I found a roofer.
It's gonna cost us 75 bucks for an estimate.
It's a good thing I rented that other apartment.
Mr. Hayes is downstairs.
What do you mean he's downstairs?
In the apartment.
Did you let him in?
He was already in.
Well, I told him he can't move in till we get his money.
Well, I heard hammering and there he was.
What was he hammering?
He said he wasn't.
Mr. Hayes?
It's Drake Goodman.
Carter?
Is anybody in there?
I'm sorry. But we have no record of a wire transfer
to your account, Mr. Goodman.
My tenant assured me the money would be wired today.
Bank Of Texas. $7,500.
You know, maybe the bank lost the money
or got credited to the wrong account?
It's doubtful.
But I need the transaction numbers to tell you anything more.
It is possible he never wired the money, Mr. Goodman.
For his own reasons.
Look, please, just check the account one more time.
Who... Who are you?
Who are you?
- I'm the landlord. - Oh.
Carter went to Seattle on business.
He'll be back on Friday.
Carter was supposed to wire me some money
for his rent and his security deposit.
- It never came. - Look, I don't know anything about that.
You're gonna have to talk to Carter. Okay?
What's your name?
- Greg. - Greg, listen,
if you speak to Carter before Friday
would you please tell him that he's got this problem
with his rent and his security deposit...
Yeah, well, it sounds like your problem. Okay?
Ask him to call me with the transaction numbers
or give them to you to give to me
so we can straighten this out.
Yeah. I'll be sure to give him the message.
Oh. He just hit a wire. It's okay.
I'll go down and fix it.
Um, don't pull that nail until I say it's okay.
All right.
You require new wires.
This is a very dangerous situation.
Okay.
I got it.
Is it on?
No.
How about now?
Not yet.
Drake?
No, Patty.
Did that do it?
Not yet.
There you go!
Okay.
Mr. Hayes?
Is that you?
Mr. Hayes?
- Drake? - Hey, you fixed it.
Hayes is down there.
Sitting in his car. He was just watching me.
Hayes!
No, thank you.
I left my number before and Mr. Fidlow has never returned my phone call.
- What was that name again? - Carter Hayes.
H-A-Y-E-S.
I've left you all this information before.
Well, I'm sorry, sir. We do not have a client by that name.
Well, maybe... Maybe you can explain to me
how it is Mr. Fidlow doesn't know a Carter Hayes
when Mr. Hayes, who's locked himself into my goddamn apartment
and hasn't paid me any rent
keeps telling me to call his goddamn attorney
Bennett Fidlow in San-Fucking-Antonio, Texas.
Hello?
Hello!
Okay. What's the most important thing I said to remember when we're riding?
We're the boss.
That's right. And why are we the boss?
Because we're smarter.
Absolutely.
Okay. That's enough for today. Dismount.
- Can you take over, Jana? - Okay.
Hi.
Put your reigns in your right hand.
Stay on the left side of your horse.
You look so serious.
Rough day at work.
It's a kite-eat-kite world out there, Patty.
You know, I was... I was thinking maybe we could sneak out tonight.
I made a reservation down at Mama Chan's.
I don't know if I'm up to it.
Ah, a bottle of wine, a nice dinner. It'll do us both good.
I went to the doctor's today.
Why?
Well, I can't seem to shake this flu that I've been fighting,
so, I figured I'd just make an appointment and go.
What did he say?
It's definitely not the flu.
Well, that's good then.
You know, maybe we'd both feel better if we went out and had some fun.
Hayes' rent didn't come, did it?
No. Tomorrow, probably.
- Probably? - Yeah, it's a bank mix up.
Look, I'm on top of it. Don't worry about it.
- Drake... - Look.
I got us into this, Patty. I'm gonna get us out of it.
End of discussion.
End of discussion?
The doctor says I'm pregnant.
Oh, uh...
Congratulations.
Thanks.
- Hello. - Uh, Ms. Palmer?
Yeah, who is this?
- Yeah? - I come here and knock,
nobody answers. Hammering stops.
I go back. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!
I don't like this guy.
It's Drake Goodman, your landlord. May I come in?
Look, I know you're in there. I can hear you in there.
I've got a key.
So if you don't open the door, I'm just gonna come in anyway.
He's changed the locks.
You changed the fucking locks!
Ah!
Yeah! Good night.
I don't care if he comes through with the money now or not.
I just want him out.
No harm, no foul.
He leaves right away, he doesn't owe us anything.
Goodbye. Good riddance.
Now what?
Jesus...
Yes, who is it?
San Francisco Police Department.
They were doing construction at 2-fucking-30 in the morning!
They won't answer the door!
I can't use my key to get in,
because they've changed all the fucking locks!
- Drake... - I don't appreciate
foul language, sir.
May I say something?
My friend is a sculptor, and he was working a little late last night.
- I'm very sorry if he kept anyone up. - Bullshit!
You back off!
Look, he hasn't even paid his rent. Ask him.
Apparently, there has been a mix up in the wire transfer
of my money to San Francisco. I'm sorry.
They moved in there, they changed all the locks,
so I can't see what he and his little buddy are destroying.
- I signed a lease. - He hasn't paid the rent,
or even a security fucking deposit!
- Drake, take it easy. - Look, I can handle this, Patty.
- Fine. - Listen, listen, listen.
I understand why Mr. Goodman is upset.
His bank lost my money,
I was out of town. The man's caught in the middle.
I don't even wanna file a complaint.
But I don't understand
why he wouldn't give me the opportunity to straighten things out
unless he's found somebody he'd rather rent...
- This is such bullshit! - Oh, come on.
- Look, let's take a walk. - Look, I just...
- Now! Come on. - I just want the guy to pay his rent!
Come on, cool it down.
What? What?
What you did is against the law.
Well, my other tenant...
Listen, Patty, I'm truly sorry it's come to this.
The bank shows me that the money has been sent.
- I didn't think Drake... - I'd like you to not talk to me.
Listen to me. Listen.
I just want the guy the hell out of my house!
Well, then you better listen to me, or he's gonna be so far up your butt,
you're gonna be pickin' him out your nose.
Now I want you to turn back on
all the heat and all the power to this man's apartment.
You apologize,
and you do not, and I emphasize, do not,
harass him again.
Then go out and get yourself a lawyer.
'Cause according to California Civil Code,
Mr. Hayes can sue you for this stunt you just pulled.
And most likely, he'll win.
He... He doesn't even have a right to be in that apartment...
Are you listening to me?
- He hasn't paid the rent! - Are you listening to me?
If he's in, he's got rights. That's how it works.
And I'll tell you something else, friend.
If he decides to fight an eviction,
you're already knee-deep in shit.
Get a lawyer.
He's taken possession.
So, whether he signed a lease,
or whether he paid you money or not,
he's legally your tenant now.
And he's protected by laws that say
you have to go to court and prove that he deserves to be evicted.
However, the net effect of these laws,
is to protect any pointy-headed cretin
who moves into your property,
and slowly drives you bankrupt and insane.
So, what do we do?
I can take on the case.
What are our chances of winning?
No guarantees...
Er, my base fee for an uncontested case
is $250.
We charge $90 and hour thereafter,
and a minimum of $360,
for any court appearances.
How long will it take?
Uncontested, six to eight weeks.
- If he contests? - Six to eight months
worst case. And then you have to go after him
in court again to collect.
Wouldn't it just be a lot easier to throw him out?
Easy and wrong.
This is the process, folks. There aren't any shortcuts.
I need a description of Hayes for Mr. Revilla,
my process server and I need the key to your front door.
- Is, uh, Carter Hayes in? - No.
I have some important documents for him...
Okay.
All right.
Get it shined, get them shined, shine 'em up.
Buddy, you need to get in that bank and get a loan.
Look at them shoes.
All right, low-investment loans for people like shoes like yours.
Come here, get a good shine, right here.
I'll put a glow on that coat.
All right, who's next?
Ladies and skirts, half price.
Come here, sunshine.
Get that half-price special right here on that Dr. Shoe Love.
Get it shined, get them shined, yeah.
Shine 'em up, shine 'em up. Where you going?
All right, all right. Let me just guess what this is.
As much as we'd like to help you,
we just can't afford to string out the loan.
It wouldn't be fair to us, and it wouldn't be fair to you, right?
- Right. - They tell you the bank
is pulling for you. That no one wants to foreclose a loan... They tell you that?
That's horsepucky. Bankerspeak.
So, what... what do we do now, Reed?
I can loan you maybe a grand, but that's not gonna help.
Not gonna do it.
There are alternative lenders, you know.
High interest houses that specialize in burying it.
"Let a smile be your umbrella."
Great.
- I could start riding again. - Oh, that's a good idea, Patty.
You're pregnant with a blown knee.
You seriously think that you could ride a horse...
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you pregnant?
My knee is fine.
And I don't have to be pregnant.
Look, I'm not going to lose you,
I'm not going to lose our child
and I'm not going to lose our house.
Well, I guess we can just stop worrying now.
Who is this?
"Dear Drake and Patty, I'm so sorry
"for the misunderstanding that has come between us.
"Please accept this gift
"in my sincere hope that we can work everything out.
"Carter Hayes."
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...
Mrs. Patty, Mrs. Patty!
What, Mrs. Watanabe?
- Watch in the kitchen. The kitchen... - What?
Okay. Okay.
In here? What?
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh!
The San Francisco roach, generally German,
or Oriental in derivation.
With your krauts edging out
your rice grinders in the overall disgustingness factor.
I think these were American.
How are we supposed to pay for this?
We're $1,100 short this morning...
Don't yell at me.
If we don't do it, MacDonald says we lose the eviction.
We can't afford that either.
- Maybe we should borrow money for this. - No!
No, we're not gonna borrow money.
This is stupid! We should just let this building go.
Oh, okay, fine!
You can do whatever you want.
I'm not letting any jerk chase me out of my own property.
It's the promiscuity factor
that makes it harder to hammer it down.
I'll be using your chlorpyrifos and pyrethrin
in a high pressure injection system.
I've also got the RSU.
- What's that? - Roach Sucking Unit.
It's just a backup.
Oh...
They're coming in from next door!
Oh, shit!
Call reinforcements. Holy shit.
They're probably camped out in the other apartment.
If we could go at it from over there,
we'd have a better chance of containment.
What if we can't?
Get a whole bunch of little tiny leashes and pretend they're pets.
I'm sorry.
You know...
Our luck
has gotta change tomorrow.
Maybe.
- Hello? - Carter Hayes lives here, doesn't he?
Yes.
Yeah, well, do you know if he's in? Because I've been ringing the buzzer
and there doesn't seem to be any answer in there.
I don't know.
- Is Carter Hayes in there? - Uh, no, he's not here.
Look, I'm Ann. Did he tell you about me?
He must've told you about me. Ann from the desert?
Look, I've been drivin' all night, and I don't have time for this shit.
Now, I know that he's in there and I'm not leaving
- until I talk to him... - Why don't you come in here, okay?
Let go of me. What are you...
- Shut up! - Are you his partner?
That's none of your business!
- I need to talk to him. - About what?
Come on, you're not that stupid, figure it out.
No, I'm sorry. It was a gift.
Is anything pure gold, 14 karat gold?
I... I have no knowledge of jewelry. I just... I'm sorry.
I just need money, desperately.
Next!
All right, what have we got?
The only way I can swing it is if you deposit $5,800 with us.
If you do that, I can give you $5,000.
That's what we call a secured loan.
You'll probably get the money in a couple of days. No qualifying.
If I have $5,800, I wouldn't need to borrow anything!
Right.
Well, I guess we won't be doing any business then.
Wait a minute. Your ad in the Yellow Pages...
Your ad said that you give high-risk loans.
That you specialize in giving loans
to people who can't get a loan any place else.
Lady, don't believe everything you read, okay?
I've gone through the figures three times. I cannot do it.
All I'm asking for is $5,000 to get us through the next few months.
You have a $750,000 piece of property here.
Sell your building and keep the change.
I can't sell the building.
- Is she done yet? - She's done.
Is there something you wanna tell me, man?
What do you mean?
I think there's a lot of stuff you're not telling me, Carter.
I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I'm not telling you.
Your girlfriend came by the other day.
So?
So she told me that the two of you made 250 grand
on a real estate deal like this
and she didn't see any of it.
She's mistaken.
She's a useless bitch anyway.
She was paid. She didn't even have to do anything. I had the whole thing wired.
Listen to me and listen to me carefully, okay?
This is my business.
And I'm very good at it, Greg.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Well, then how come we're getting evicted so soon?
- You said, man, that... - That's not an issue.
...that wasn't going to happen.
I told you from the fucking get-go,
there was gonna be certain risks involved and you have to be flexible.
Yeah, well don't bullshit me, Carter!
What are you talking about?
Look, I just want you to know that I know, man.
- If you try and cut me out... - What, Greg?
Just don't do it!
Or what?
Ahhh! God!
Drake?
Drake!
- Drake? - What?
Oh, God...
I almost ran over that guy from downstairs.
I thought maybe you'd gotten in a fight with him.
They've got our cat down there.
And they're, uh, breeding roaches.
Apparently, screwing people over is just a job to them.
What are you talking about?
Isn't that the best? I mean,
our life is coming apart
and this son of a bitch just thinks it's business as usual.
- Oh, Drake. - This is what he does for a living.
You're drunk.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What? - You'll like this too.
This was under the door when I came in.
It's from the Watanabes.
It's the noise and the bugs and...
And my wife, she can't sleep.
Me...
I'm so sorry, it's no good.
You signed a lease for one year, Mr. Watanabe.
I will try to pay you back.
Moving expense, new apartment expense...
Lots of expense.
You can take me to court, sue me, but...
So sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Well...
I guess there's nothing else to say.
Good fortune.
Yeah.
In answer to your suit against him,
Mr. Hayes has submitted to the court
affidavits A and B
confirming plaintive attempted
unlawful eviction of a Mr. Hayes
on the 15th of last May.
I turned the gas and electricity off. There was a policeman...
Your... Your Honor, my client's and I...
Ms. MacDonald, I assume you've received these documents?
Yes, I have just received them, Your Honor.
I think there's been a mix up.
I think the law's quite clear on this point. Don't you?
Mr. Hayes is entitled to a reduction of rent
due to uninhabitability
caused by Mr. Goodman's misguided attempt
to force him from the premises by disconnecting his utilities.
Court rules for the defendant, Carter Hayes.
And let the records show, that according to the lease,
Mr. Hayes' legal cost is to be paid by the plaintiff.
Your Honor, I would like to ask for a 10-minute postponement.
Ms. MacDonald, I see where you have other cases before this Court today.
I hope you are better prepared for them.
I assume you'll wanna cooperate
with the bench now in keeping things moving?
Yes, sir.
That's it?
Why didn't you tell me you tried to force him out?
I didn't think it mattered.
You set us back months!
He's lying!
This guy has been playing you like a piano concerto.
Me? What about you?
I got a guy livin' in my building
who hasn't paid me one cent!
Not only can't you get him out, but now I owe him money?
Maybe you'd like to retain another attorney?
Stephanie.
Please don't quit.
Drake's been under a lot of pressure.
The bank is threatening to foreclose on us.
This isn't a moral question, Patricia.
Morally, you're right.
You win. Big deal.
This is a game,
and the object of the game is to get Mr. Hayes
out of your building before he destroys your lives.
He knows you're going to get him out eventually.
He's just trying to stay there as long as he can.
- Why? - I don't know.
Because it's possible.
Because he's evil. What difference does it make?
It's nothing personal.
God forbid he ever makes it personal.
Out of food out of time
Those who live do not care
A taste of war a taste of death
Die!
Drake! Stop it!
Drake, stop. Stop it! Stop it!
- God damn it, Drake! - What?
What is happening to you?
I want him out of here!
Ahhh!
Patty?
Oh, God...
Patty...
Oh...
Just a couple more tests for you.
- Hi. - Hi.
How do you feel?
I feel like Lady Macbeth.
There was so much blood.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You know, the doctor says we can even try again after a few months.
911 emergencies.
Give me the police, please.
Something's got to change, Drake.
You and me and this place, it's just not working.
Drake?
What do you expect me to say to that, Patty?
Fine? Nice knowing you?
Jesus.
That's not what I meant.
I don't know what I expect anymore.
Maybe that's part of the problem.
I'm sorry I talked you into buyin' this place.
You didn't talk me into anything.
Patty...
Something was right about us before.
Whatever else has got screwed up, we have to remember that.
Hi, I didn't want to, uh...
Intrude. But I heard the ambulance last night
and called the hospital. They told me what happened.
God...
Nature can be so cruel sometimes.
Anyway, Patty, I wanted to offer my condolences.
If there is anything at all I can do to help...
Ahhh!
Drake!
Drake.
Drake, stop! Stop it!
Drake, stop it! You're killing him.
Stop it! Drake! God damn it...
Stop it!
Drake...
Are you all right? Are you all right?
I'm sorry, Patty.
It's okay.
- Let's go back in the house. - No, no, no...
No! Officer, hey, hey!
Don't hurt him!
What are you arresting me for?
He didn't do anything!
You have the right to remain silent.
He didn't do anything. It was the other guy.
Please don't hurt him.
You have the right to speak to an attorney
and have an attorney present.
You are arresting the wrong man!
- Can I go with him? - No.
Keep struggling, I'll break your goddamn arm.
Watch your head.
You got the wrong fucking man!
You arrested the wrong man!
There's nothing you can do until the arraignment tomorrow morning.
He needs a criminal law specialist, Patricia.
I'm out of my depth here. I can recommend somebody.
My guess is that Hayes doesn't care about the criminal charges.
He's gonna go after Drake with a civil suit.
This is what he wanted. Game's over. Drake loses.
Can I give you a ride home?
What does this do to the eviction?
Ironically, nothing. We'll get him out.
Of course, Hayes might get the building
before he's through because of the civil suit.
It's lucky you're not married,
otherwise Drake will pull you down with him.
I had a miscarriage last night.
I know.
I need to know where Drake'll be staying.
He'll be at home with me.
Patty, Hayes is asking for a temporary restraining order
because of the assault.
Drake can't come within 500 feet of the building
as long as Hayes is there.
This is our home.
This is all happening to us in our home.
I know.
You want a hand?
No, no. I got it.
Oh. I'll get some clean sheets.
These look pretty rude.
Hello.
Hello?
Patty.
You know...
I think that under different circumstances,
you and I could've gotten to be good friends.
The time allotted for you to dial has been exceeded.
Please hang up and dial again.
The time allotted for you to dial has been exceeded.
Please hang up and dial again.
Get it started. Now watch this.
Voila.
I'll get that. Hang on, man. Don't burn the house down.
Hello?
Hi, it's me. Um...
Is everything all right?
I just wanted to see how you were doing.
Fine.
It only hurts when I blink.
- Um... - Something wrong?
No, I... I just... I miss you.
Well, why don't you come over here?
Yeah, I mean, look, this is ridiculous.
Why don't you come over here and spend the night?
No, it's okay.
- Um, somebody's gotta be here. - Nobody has to be there.
- Tell me what's wrong. - Everything's fine.
- No, Patty. - I better...
- I'm better go. Don't worry. - Patty.
- Bye. - Patty, you're not...
You're a very brave and stupid man.
What are you doing, Drake?
You can't come in here.
Listen.
Carter, it's no big deal.
I just wanna go upstairs and see Patty, okay?
But you're breaking the law, Drake.
Wait a minute.
Damn.
Hi.
I really screwed things up.
I don't know what I've been trying to prove.
Shh. Don't talk.
What was I trying to prove?
You don't have to prove anything.
Go to sleep.
I love you.
I love you too.
We have no case because Hayes was technically within his right
to protect himself.
I mean, Goodman threatens Hayes
who fearing for his life,
justifiably, based upon the previous assault complaint, defends himself.
You're the DA, Henry. Make a case.
There's a history of mutual animosity here.
There's a history of Goodman assaulting Hayes.
I can make a case but I can't win it, what's the point?
- They're a nice couple. - Right.
Well, at least the default judgment came through today.
We're evicting that son of a bitch tomorrow.
I'll need you to sign right here.
Mr. Carter Hayes?
It's the sheriff's department, Mr. Hayes.
We've come to see you out.
Appointed locksmith, Manford Bagel, will facilitate entry at this point.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Damn.
God, this is bad.
How much can he make off of this crap?
God!
Look, I don't have his name here.
He's still probably at the 3rd Street station.
Gas stove, microwave, disposal, dishwasher,
two sinks, one toilet?
Um, about how many electrical fixtures would you guess?
I don't know.
Okay, well, it's not important but, uh,
you know, we will need it for your insurance.
We're gonna need a complete list.
The insurance was canceled.
- Yeah. - Patricia Palmer still with you?
- Yeah, she's right here. - I'd like to speak with her.
Yeah, sure. Come on in.
Uh, that's my boss.
Here you go.
I recognized the name on the report.
You two know each other?
Bobby, why don't you take these upstairs
see if we can get a running start
on where this cretin might fence the appliances.
- Sure thing, Lieutenant. - Thank you.
I guess, you're wishing now that you'd rented to the black man.
You never brought back your application.
- Oh, I brought it back. - I never got it.
Uh-huh.
The Porsche in your garage was leased.
Hayes made one payment, put stolen plates on it,
they've been looking for him ever since.
I sent a tow over to haul away what's left of it.
He shot my boyfriend.
I know. You're lucky he didn't kill him.
This is a sick individual, Ms. Palmer.
Be grateful he's out of your life.
Right now, you don't mean a thing to him. Leave it that way.
If he's gonna get caught. We'll catch him.
He shot my boyfriend. My boyfriend is in the hospital.
He destroyed our property.
There are lawsuits, there's the foreclosure,
I had a miscarriage.
And you're telling me to forget about him?
Next time, maybe he ain't so lucky.
Next time, maybe he runs into the man who blows his brains out.
Next time?
Let him go, Ms. Palmer.
Hi, Mr. Fidlow please.
May I ask what it's concerning?
It's regarding James Danforth.
- Yes, ma'am. - It's a Patricia Palmer on line one
- regarding James Danforth. - All right, put her through.
How can I help ya?
Um, yeah, you represent Charles and James Danforth.
I'm an executor of a family trust
special conservatorship benefiting James Danforth.
But this should not be confused with being his attorney.
- Whatever he's told you. - Mr. Fidlow, are you aware...
And furthermore, whatever James has done,
the trust can not be touched.
And neither I, nor his brother, can or will
be held accountable for his activities.
You mean, his family pays him to stay away?
I'm afraid I can't comment on that.
Well, where is he now?
Look, you just best let this sleeping dog lie.
- Where... - Lady.
He's been out of control for a long time.
Well, maybe I should just go to his brother directly.
You can't touch him, Ms. Palmer.
James has no assets. The trust cannot be attached
and he is legally severed from his family.
I don't want money, Mr. Fidlow.
I just wanna know where he is.
He doesn't tell me where he is. Ever.
Well then, tell me where he's been.
He's far and away the most intelligent man I've ever met.
He's not your type.
Oh, it's okay to want him, it's a free country.
I could tell, you know? When I saw you up in Frisco,
I could tell you had a thing for him.
Are you his type?
What do you think?
I think, you're sitting here waiting for him
and meanwhile, he's blown you off.
And it's pretty pathetic.
You don't even know him.
You don't even know his real name.
It isn't Hayes, you know.
It isn't Carter Hayes.
Carter Hayes is the stupid old man who owned this condo.
He tried to throw us out,
he sent his tough guys after us to rough us up.
But now, look who's here and look who's not.
Your the pathetic one.
And he didn't blow me off.
He sent me a postcard just yesterday.
Read it.
He's not like anyone else.
He does whatever he wants.
We understand each other.
That's what we have.
You?
You're just chasing a shadow.
Yes, Andre. I need it delivered immediately to room 1550.
Excuse me?
Yes, thank you.
Do you have someone named Carter Hayes staying here?
Hayes? I'll check.
No, I'm sorry. We don't.
How about Goodman? Drake Goodman.
Goodman?
I'll check.
We do, but I see that he's out.
Oh. Well, um...
He left this in the store where I work.
- Do you think you can give it to him? - Certainly.
Would you care to leave your name or number...
No, thank you.
Front desk. Victor.
Hello?
- Uh, room 81. - Special delivery.
- It's not yet arrived. - Yes, uh...
- Uh, room 81. - Special delivery...
- Great. - ...not yet arrived.
Not here.
- It must to be... - Special delivery is not here.
- Not arrived? - Hi.
- Sure? - Hi.
- Bye. Bye-bye. - Later on.
- Yes. - Later.
- 1031. - 1031.
- Mr. Goodman? - That's right.
- Uh, no messages. - Okay.
Oh, a young woman returned your wallet, sir.
- Pardon me? - She said she found it
in the store where she works.
Oh, yeah. Great. Thanks.
- Mr. Goodman, how are you? - Hi, Heidi. How are you?
Come on in.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I was just wondering if you could let me into my room.
My dumb husband has locked me out and I thought, you know...
Which room?
1031, Goodman.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
I didn't know what I was gonna do. Thanks a lot.
Okay.
Oh, God.
That damn son of a bitch!
God damn motherfucker!
Is everything okay?
Yes.
Hello.
Oh, good. I'm so glad you're home.
You're not. Where are you?
- You went after him, didn't you? - Absolutely.
Look, I don't have much time and I need you to help me, okay?
Call and cancel all your credit cards.
Hayes is using duplicates with your name on it.
- Oh, great. - Then call the bank
- and put a hold on our checking account. - Why?
There's a 24-hour hotline, I think the number's on top of...
It's on top of the last bank statement, I know.
What are you doing?
Something that's gonna make us feel really good.
- Well, be careful. - I'll be back tonight. Bye.
Hello, Room Service. Gary speaking.
- Hi, this is Mrs. Goodman in room 1031. - Yes?
Yeah, my husband and I would like to have a small dinner party
up here, tonight. Charge it to the room.
Of course. What would you like?
Um, let's see, I'd like have a vichyssoise.
Vichyssoise.
- And Caesar salad and filet mignon. - Caesar salad and filet mignon.
Oh, and what do you have for dessert? Do you have...
Do you have crème brûlée?
Of course, we do, yes, with raspberry sauce.
- Oh, that sounds really good. - Yes, it's very good.
What beverage would you like?
- Well, we'll need a full bar and... - Full bar?
Um, coffee with the desert.
Of course. And how many people is this for?
- Eighteen. - Eighteen?
- Mmm-hmm. And how long will that be? - At least two hours.
- Two hours? Can you put a rush on it? - Oh, we try, we try, yes.
Great. By the way,
it's our anniversary today,
and my husband would like to send a bottle of champagne
to everybody staying on the 10th floor.
- Everyone on the 10th floor? - Mmm.
That's very generous.
Well, that's the kind of man that he is.
Thank you.
- Good evening, Victor. - Good evening, Mr. Goodman.
Any messages?
1031.
No messages.
Mr. Goodman, may I please have a word with you?
I'm sorry to trouble you, sir
but we seem to be having a problem with your credit card.
Really?
What kind of problem?
This is Lieutenant Palmer
from the San Francisco Police Department.
- Yes, ma'am. Can I help you? - Mmm-hmm.
I was wondering if you leased a black Cadillac Coupe de Ville
with the license plate number 2PET764
- to a man named Drake Goodman. - Let me check.
- Yes, we did. Why? - You did?
Well, there are some things that I think you might be interested in knowing.
Well, listen, why don't I just write you a check,
to take care of things 'till we get this straightened out.
I don't... That wouldn't be acceptable. I'm sorry.
- We called your bank, as a backup? - Yeah.
They said that your account has been frozen.
Yes, I'd like to report some stolen travelers checks.
Lost or stolen?
No, no, my husband is certain that they've been stolen.
- Stolen. - Mmm-hmm. All 30 of them.
Well, I assumed you got the necessary approval when I checked in.
Well, yes. But when a customer charges over $100 to their room
we generally run a card again
for approval and that's when we discovered the problem.
Right, except, I didn't charge anything to my room.
It's probably a clerical error on their part.
But we just have to look out for ourselves, you understand?
I didn't charge anything to my room.
- Well, maybe it was your wife. - My wife?
Come on.
- Mr. Goodman, excuse me Mr. Goodman... - No, not now.
- ...I really, excuse me. - Taxi.
- I really cannot allow you... - Evening ma'am.
Mr. Goodman, the hotel has a very strict policy in this matter.
We will... I assure you we will take the necessary steps immediately.
Mr. Goodman, we will call the police!
They're lying.
These people are completely pathological.
They took a half a year's rent from me and said I never paid them.
They evicted me, they slandered me,
they totally destroyed my credit.
They physically assaulted me.
They threatened my life.
And now this.
These people are parasites.
Florence.
I am so sorry...
That you were even touched by any of this.
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
When I first met you I was enchanted, and I...
I was dazzled.
I'm sorry.
You know it's not like I can't prove they're lying.
I can prove they're lying.
It's gonna take a little time.
I'll have to take them to court I guess.
But for right now it's my word against theirs, isn't it?
I don't know what these people want.
You know that if they hadn't tied-up my trust
I would never ask you for anything.
But if the bail isn't paid
I can't get out of here.
And I cannot prove to you, sir,
what I hope Florence already knows in her heart.
At least I would hope, that you know.
Look.
I'm just asking you to do
whatever it is your heart tells you to do.
Oh, not again.
TV 20
And now one of the most unusual buys
you will ever see. A six piece full pony fur desk set.
And we have a caller right now.
Hi. Who am I speaking to?
David, hi, this is Mary.
- Well, hi Mary, where you calling from? - I'm calling from Santa Fe.
Santa Fe, well, this desk set is perfect for you, isn't it?
- David, I just love this. I got three. - You got three?
Oh, you got a great buy on these, and you know they're only $54 right now.
- I know that. - Isn't this unbelievable?
Yeah. You know, I have varicose veins
and I hate to shop at malls. I really...
Oh, yeah.
This is perfect. I can pull out my VISA,
dial the phone. It's great, David.
Well, Mary, you just prop up your feet and relax and
enjoy yourself and keep on shopping.
Okay, you guys, stay here and keep me covered.
Hands all over the Eastern border
You know what?
I think we're falling
From composure...
Kitty?
Put your hands away
Put your hands away...
Kitty.
You're gonna kill your mother
Gonna kill your mother...
Kitty, you bad cat. Where have you been?
You scared me to death down there.
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty.
Kitty?
You crossed the line.
You were in my room.
You were in my private things.
You and your boyfriend.
You insulted my intelligence.
You got into my area.
What you doing?
No! No!
Ow!
How am I gonna make a living now?
What am I gonna tell my family?
Huh?
Did you know that half of all homicide victims
are killed with their own hand guns?
Did you know that?
- No, no! - Did you?
Ow!
What am I gonna do with you, Patty? Huh?
What are you making me do here?
Don't you know I have responsibilities? Huh?
I've got people, I've got my brother.
I mean, I've got
a lot of people who depend on me.
Then you come along.
I mean, what was the point?
How does it feel?
- Huh? Patty, did it feel good? - No.
Is that it? When you're in my private things spying on me.
- It felt good, didn't it? - No.
- Yes it did. - No.
- You crossed the line and it felt good. - No.
- You're lying. You're lying. - No.
Get off me!
No.
Stop it. No.
No.
It's a Victorian. It was built in 1883.
Somebody remodeled it in the 40s.
But we tried to restore it back
to its original state the best that we could.
- Oh, you did all the work yourself? - Yeah, most of it.
You know how hard it is to find packing boxes?
- Hi. - Hi
I actually had to buy these.
Honey... This is Drake. This is Bill and Amy.
- Hi, Amy. - Nice to meet you.
We were just telling Patty,
how impressed we are with all the work you've done.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you. - Yeah.
So, you wanna buy the place?
Well, uh,
it's a little more money
than we thought of originally but it's great.
Well, you know, you've got the two rental units
to help make the mortgage.
Yeah, well, we'd sure need it.
Oh, honey, look at these floors. They're gorgeous.
Hmm.
- Yeah. Refinished. - We, uh, just had them refinished.
- Oh. - Beautiful.
- Yeah. - Well, thank you.
Why don't we leave you alone to talk and...
We'll be right upstairs if you need us, packing. Okay?
- It's nice meeting you. - Yeah.
- Patty. - Yeah.
Do you mind if I ask you why you're selling?
I mean, you've done so much to this place.
You obviously put your heart in it.
No, not really. It... It was just an investment.
I know you love it, but we're talking about $900,000.
I bet we can offer them an 850 or 825.
Oh. Oh, that's all, okay.
Um.
What if we don't qualify for a bank loan?
We will.
First thing I'm gonna do is take these curtains off these windows.
Can we talk about the purchase price before you redesign the entire place?
Well, I just have so many ideas.
- It'll be okay. - It'll be okay, huh?
- Well, as long as you say so. - I know so.